next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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