Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
