listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
two words...techno handjob
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
