he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
