Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
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The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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