i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
