Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
