is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
