you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
