Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
