"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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