mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
