I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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