I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Pants are for mortals
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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