apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
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And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Found your dick twin last night
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize