dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
