I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize