does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
