I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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