Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
