before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Floor bacon is actually really good
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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