when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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