Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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