He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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