im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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