Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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