is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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