why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
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He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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