The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
