Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
