I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
