This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
