we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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