broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
