addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
