whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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