just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
