i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
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