oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
