Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
