What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All the doctor said was why
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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