I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
