So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
