i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
