She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
