How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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