ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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