You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
