the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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