WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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