I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just want to make out with him forever
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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