just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
