sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
