It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
