i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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