im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
