So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
