ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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