he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
