I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
