About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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