Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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