so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
