I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
