haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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