what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think I sprained my soul last night
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
