Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
