My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
