Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
