I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
