Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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